Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize