Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
