I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
