i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
