if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
