you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
