dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize