No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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