YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
