My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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