My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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