wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
