So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
