thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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