I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
