Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
