he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
