I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My life is pants optional.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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