Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
