You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize