4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
