his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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