well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize