btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
