Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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