Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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