Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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