Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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