it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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