Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
