You're my little dorito
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
