And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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