4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
