I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
