I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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