Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
