So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The air taste purple.
Randomize
