I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize