btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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