i permit you to call me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
