been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
