I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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