dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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