I just threw up on my dentist
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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