Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
