And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if only i could text you this smell
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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