This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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