I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
