Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
