if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My liver just had a heart attack.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
