i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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