my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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