Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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