Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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