i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
