My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize