So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
