Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize