Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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