I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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