Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize