I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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