nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
