I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
dude. I can hear the air.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
