call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sober January is a disaster.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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