It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
