Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize