If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
