um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
