I just threw up on my dentist
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
