have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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