Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
