Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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