she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
