I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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