New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
