I checked into jail on foursquare
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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