I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
