i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
