from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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