A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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