I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
